I can remember my Great Grandmother fastening a safety pin to my training panties. Attached was a Catholic charm with a Saint embossed on it; it was said to protect a person's virginity/innocence. There was also a tiny red ribbon affixed to it. At the time I didn't know what it was for, only later in life would I find out the symbolism for that charm...but that charm didn't protect me. My grandfather one day took advantage of me and without being detailed and graphic -- I lost my innocence. I choose to be open and share my story in hopes that it can help someone else heal. Maybe someday these types of  tales will never need to be told again. This is my story. With love & prayers to all that have suffered this abuse, Noelle.
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With that being said, what does one do about this? How does one put the pieces of a shattered life back together? It took many years to process the hurt, betrayal, anger, and a myriad of other complicated and overwhelming emotions. Being able to have normal relationships were I could trust another person again took so much time but it was achieved. My secret is no longer a secret and part of the recovery process for me was being able to share this story on different levels. First, it was with my husband, then a Spiritual Mentor, and then finally I no longer felt ashamed in front of myself or God. Once these steps were taken, others weren't as difficult. At times it felt as if my wounds would never seem to heal but when I ran out of hope there was God and a trust-worthy few that would embrace me on the tough days.

Another layer of healing came when I felt guided to create a dance about this subject matter to reach out and give hope to someone else. Maybe even help them on a path of recovery. (I can instinctually detect/see when someone has been through this type of abuse because of my experience. I almost feel a sense of sister-hood with these individuals.)

I named the dance: "Shattered Innocence (Red Ribbons)" {Originally: Lost Innocence}. In the piece a young woman relives her nightmare of child molestation. As an adult, she just can't shake the horror and wars with her shattered soul represented as 3 little girls wearing red ribbons in their hair. Once the young woman finally finds the inner child and her lost innocence within, she reconnects with that little girl and is able to victoriously take out her red ribbons. 

I stood by my decision to have crafted this piece without apology in its harsh execution and only a little while later, I was given another opportunity to perform Red Ribbons the way I envisioned it. I had 4 very dear & special people backing me up to perform it the way it was intended from its inception & they carried me to the finish line when I could no longer walk or fight to do this. For some reason the second time around was much more difficult as I was going through another layer of healing -- it was just a timing thing.

Since then, Red Ribbons has been performed in its entire, uncensored state of original choreography for many audiences. The reason it has touched so many hearts is because of the way it was done--it was and is still necessary. Sometimes we have to bluntly put things in people's faces to make them see. I wish it wasn't so but we have a world that is tainted with evil, and good needs to shine its light upon it to destroy it. Remember only those things that are kept secret and in darkness have power over us.

Red Ribbons, my tragic story, and my deep love for this one person launched my dance company: Rubans Rouges Dance Company (Red Ribbons in French). It's symbolic of: the great work God did within my heart, the incredible tale of how this dance all began, touched one precious heart & how I risked much in doing so. I lost much because of this piece but I trust that it'll someday be restored because God is very BIG and is in the business of fixing things. This dance wasn't for me--it was for a broken heart that still cannot mend to this day but will soon. My heart grieves over the tragedy of their brokenness. I've come to understand the need for this dance being made.

(c) 2010